Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

Hey everyone,
Happy Easter. I hope that you all had a wonderful day celebrating the Resurrection and the love of Christ. We spent that day with family (one great thing about marrying someone from the same area, we get to be with both families on holidays). I have three nieces, one of which is quite the little pill, Emma. She could not find a single egg and so she came over, grabbed my hand, and said, "You hid'em, show me was they is". Funny little tike.
"Anyway" I digress.
Starting in a month I will be teaching a class at CSI entitled, "Music and Texts". At first glance this seemed like a big break for me. I thought, "Yes, I finally will be able to teach something involving books!" Not so. This class is for those people in the world who want to learn how to use their cell phones, want to learn how to text, and can not bring themselves to asking their kids for help. Again. So for the low cost of 40 dollars they can receive not only a lesson in using their phone but a huge amount of self-esteem and the ability to go home and text their kids, "Ah!"
Personally, I have no comment on this cruel twist of words.
Professionally, I think is was ruder then an elephant at the zoo flicking its tail and in so doing flinging its Sickening Hogwash of Inhospitable Turds on everyone.
Professionally speaking, of course.

Lance

In honor of the time

Just thought I'd post one of my favorite poems I've written. I wrote this for a friend last year because he read "Sunday Afternoon in the Park with Becca" and asked if I'd write something like that he could use to ask his girl to Prom with; so here it is. Enjoy.

Will you go to Prom?

I had envisioned a huge truck full of Oreos and Cheez-its,
That you would have to excavate to find a question I wrote
on fancy smelling paper I found in my mom’s underwear drawer.

But I’m on a budget and couldn’t afford the truck and driver.
Besides I’d eaten two bags of Oreos and all of the Cheez-its before I
realized that my mother likes to keep the things in that drawer private.

So I wrote a poem. It’s romantic, it’s easy, and it doesn’t cost anything,
Oh don’t worry I’ve planned the coolest date for the day, we’re going
To go milk cows at my uncle’s farm…you’re not allergic to mice, right?

I have to ask one favor, can you pay for pictures? My family thinks the
camera steals your soul, something to do with Uncle Bob and Aunt Jane
going crazy after they got their pictures at the Here’s Ur Sign convention.

We can wear matching over-alls! Momma says that they’re “easy” clothes.
Her and dad wear them all time to bed; she keeps hers with the smelly
paper and strawberry Flavored lip gloss.

I invited my cousin Jimmy to
come with; he’s taking his sister Bessie!

So, You wanna come? Be ready to kick up your heels,
cuz we’re going square dancing!

It’ll be a hoot!

we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts

Reading Shakespeare's Much Ado about Nothing lead me to write this poem. Enjoy.


Laundry Day

My wife does the laundry, mostly.
In the Winter though, she feels
that since I have no access to
my community of book lovers
in the next city,
that I should update my task list
and do laundry,
every Wednesday,
from 11 to 3.

A leadoff of permanent press,
enters the washer at 11:01,
a pretty common load,
then lounges in the washer from 11:46
until they enter the drier at 12:34.

I then search for Levi's and primary colors,
hard to tell the red from the green,
so I just shoot my arm in the basket
and pray.

They go in at 12:38.

And then get buzzed to the drier
at 2:57.

So she has to give me credit,
for doing the laundry in Winter,
every Wednesday,
from 11 to 3.

Aye, madam, it is common

In my History of the English Language class last night I experienced a very disturbing event. We were looking at a quote from Hamlet (the play to end all plays, better then Wicked, Phantom, and yes even Sweeney Todd; but not by much) and trying to determine the rule for the use of "thou" and "you". Now what we came up with is beside the point of the entry but for the sack of interest the word "thou" was used in 16th English as an informal greeting. Much like "tu" is used instead of "usted" in Spanish. Shocking, no doubt, because we now use it as a form of reverence; however when the Bible was written they used the term "thou" not because they were being informal towards God but rather expressing the intimate relationship that we should have with God.
Now to the point. As we were looking at the quote the teacher asked if anyone knew what was happening in that part of the text. We were reading from Act 1 Scene 2 where Claudius and Gertrude are imploring Hamlet to stay with them in Denmark, rather then return to his schooling in Wittenberg. No one in the class knew what was happening. Allow to repeat for emphasis; NO ONE in the class knew what was going on in the play. Not just that exact moment but anything besides the fact that everyone dies at the end alluded their knowledge.
This is a 500 level class, these people are working on their PHD's and theirs Masters, and they had not the slightest idea of who Claudius really was, what relationship existed between the Queen and her son Hamlet, heck they didn't even know that Hamlet was her son. Disturbing.
Now I'm not saying that I'm better then them in anyway (I actually am because I went to CSI, the best college in the state) but I was worried for a moment that the Bard- the man who single handedly invented the Human, who wrote 5 of the greatest tragedies on the earth in a span of 3 years, not to mention that all his plays in blank verse, containing over 50% newly coined words that we still use today, and he wrote some of the most moving love poetry known to man- is not being read by anyone, let alone those people who should read him most; English majors.
Without turning this into a ranting post I just want to say that if you haven't read Shakespeare (9th grade Romeo and Juliet doesn't count) you are missing out.